Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Nope, Nada, Zilch.....

It has been one of those take 20 steps forward, take 120 steps backwards days.

To say I am tired of this roller coaster would be an understatement, maybe the understatement of the year.

I must be honest. There are days I have no hope. None, Nada, Zilch.

Today is one of those days.

My bubble from last Wednesday's appointment was busted just a few minutes ago.

I don't understand why this is happening. Where is the justice in all of this. I am so mad and angry and I'm exhausted mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

It's not that I think I should be exempt from trouble. I don't. I just don't think this trouble is fair. I know, I know, Life isn't fair. I am more aware of that now than ever before.

When will it end? When will this chaos stop? When will the storm cease? When will the winds die down? When will my tears stop? When will my heart stop hurting?

I do wonder over and over and over why God has allowed this to happen. I do. I can't lie. Why have I been led down this path that only ends at heartache?

I don't want to be on a pity party. I know it seems like I am. This is so out of character for me. I never want people to see me hurting, even in the worst of times, but my spirit is so broken.

I am praying, I am seeking His face. I am asking Him not only peace in the storm but peace for my heart as I ride out this massive storm.

Thank you all for checking on me. God knew months and months ago I would be here at this place, at this time and I would need you, my Blog Friends. I love you all, more than you could ever know.


Saturday, September 19, 2009

War Eagle.....

There is nothing like being with 80,000 other people to take your mind off "real life" for a while. We are in Auburn waiting to see our Tigers take on West Virginia at 6:45 tonight.

We LOVE, LOVE, LOVE football, especially Auburn Tiger football.

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend

p.s. My Wednesday appointment went as well as I could have hoped for. I received good,not great news, that has given us a breath of hope. I thank you for praying and ask that you continue to do so. This is a long road that lies ahead, but I go it not alone.


Monday, September 14, 2009

The Anchor Holds.....

Hey friends! I am still here, still trying to stay one step ahead of the storm.

Thank you all for your encouraging words, your e-mails and your prayers. The storm continues to rage but, in spite of the storm, My Anchor HOLDS.

I am better in some ways. I am no longer crying myself to sleep every night.

I have been able to share with a few of my close friends. That has helped. I am terrible about keeping stuff to myself and and trying to deal with it alone. I'm not sure why I do that, though.

I have awesome friends who I know love me and would do anything for me, but for some reason I have to deal with "it" myself first and then I will begin to slowly share, but only with a few people.

There are days I take 20 steps forward and I think, "Ok, I can handle this, I am strong, I'm gonna make it", but then a HUGE gust of wind comes and I end up 120 steps back.

I have a very important appointment Wednesday at 10am. I ask you to pray in advance for this appointment, but also please pray Wednesday at this specific time.

I heard this today:
Instead of telling God how big your storm is, tell your storm How big God is....

I leave you with the words of the song "The Anchor Holds" by Ray Boltz....


I have journeyed
Through the long, dark night
Out on the open sea
By faith alone
Sight unknown
And yet His eyes were watching me

The anchor holds
Though the ship is battered
The anchor holds
Though the sails are torn
I have fallen on my knees
As I faced the raging seas
The anchor holds
In spite of the storm

Ive had visions
Ive had dreams
Ive even held them in my hand
But I never knew
They would slip right through
Like they were only grains of sand


I have been young
But I am older now
And there has been beauty
That these eyes have seen
But it was in the night
Through the storms of my life
Oh, that's where God proved
His love to me


My Anchor Holds, In spite of the storm.


Thursday, September 3, 2009

I Will Praise You In This Storm.....

I need you.

I need your prayers.

I am facing a trial which, at this time, is enormous to my eyes and even more so to my heart. I have not been able to talk about it and even now, as I type, tears flow down my cheeks.

I stand firm in my faith and I know, without a shadow of a doubt, God has a purpose in all of this. I know He does. Can I see the purpose right now? No.

My heart is absolutely broken. It feels like it is being ripped out of my chest.

I shared these verses with my Blog Friend, Serenity, on Tuesday. They have been such a source of comfort for me.

Job 23:8-10
8. But if I go to the east, he is not there;
if I go to the west, I do not find him.

9. When he is at work in the north, I do not see him;
when he turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of him.

10. But he knows the way that I take;
when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.

Hebrews 13:5 tells us, He will never leave us, nor forsake us, but right now, in this storm, I can't feel Him and I can't see Him.

My spirit knows He is at work in my life and knows He is at work in this trial, but my flesh can not find Him, can catch no glimpse of Him, can't see Him.

I cry out to Him. I pour my heart out to Him. He knows I hurt. He knows my pain. He sees me. He knows the way I take. Even when I can't see Him.

I want Him to intercede, to "fix it", but I want it done under my conditions. You don't have to tell me, I know that is wrong, but I am being honest with you.

I'm just not sure I can selflessly say, "Not my will, but Thine, Lord".

I want to KNOW and UNDERSTAND, He wants me to TRUST.

He controls the winds and the waves. He controls this storm. He can calm the storm or calm me while the storm continues to rage. I prefer He calm the storm but, in any event, I will praise Him in this storm.

Think about this.....
David would be known only as a shepherd boy had it not been for Goliath.
The thing meant to bring him down was the very thing God used to propel him to the next level.

I hope to be able to share the details with you soon.

I hope to be sharing the Miracle with you soon.

Pray my Friends, pray.

Without ceasing.


Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Happy 13th Birthday, Kylee.....

My baby, Kylee, turned 13 last week.
We had a HUGE party.
We rented the local Community Center, and hired a DJ, "Crazy A".
To say we had a blast, would be the understatement of the year!!

We danced all night long.....

The Cha Cha Slide and the Cupid Shuffle.

We had Cake.....

And an Ice Cream Bar.....

With Chocolate Syrup, Strawberry Syrup, Caramel Syrup, Sprinkles, Butterfingers, Oreos, M&M's, Brownies, Gummi Bears, Bananas, Cherries, Nuts, Whipped Cream, Waffle Cones, Regular Cones, and Bowls.

It was D-E-L-I-C-I-O-U-S!!!!!

We did have 2 other tables of food but I didn't get pictures of them, lol. I guess I was too preoccupied with the ice cream and cake =)

Happy Tuesday!

I have much catching up to do with you.