For days and daaaaaaaaays.....

It has done nothing here but rain.

For days and daaaaaaaaays!

It may have stopped the boating, the jet skiing, and the swimming, but it hasn't stopped the spending time with friends and family, lots and lots of good food, and endless laughter. 

We've had plenty of all of the above.  

There is never a dull moment when us Cousins are together, but when you throw the rest of our family and our Mothers into the mix, it REALLY gets crazy. 

A circus, of sort, but we wouldn't have it any other way. 

Our 4th of July spread.....

             

There's one thing about it, we eat good. 

Maybe a little too good. 

=)

I am ready for some of this though.....

             

             

Blue skies and sunshine. 

I actually think I am beginning to have withdrawals. 

My Daddy is doing well. 

This picture was taken a couple weeks ago prior to his last bone marrow biopsy. 

We go back to Dr. Erba on the 10th of July and will get results. 

We will also talk about future treatment options at that time. 

Hopefully, I can keep you updated a little more consistently. 

At least, I will try to. 

I hope you and yours had a happy 4th! 

Looks like we will be wearing rain boots instead of flip flops for a few more days. 

Love you MUCH,

Gracie

Happy Mother's Day.....

I do realize, even though Mother's Day brings me joy, it is a painful reminder to some of what can't be, what was, or what is missing from their lives. 

I remember, all too well, all the Mother's Days I spent trying, without success, to get pregnant.

It hurt. 

Deeply. 

I am blessed to still have my Mom. 

She is the strongest woman I know. 

I can honestly say, there has 

never been a time she didn't put me first. 

If I couldn't go somewhere, she 

suddenly didn't want to go anymore. 

If there was only one piece of pie, 

magically, she wasn't hungry anymore.

Funny how that works, isn't it?

Through her example, I learned 

what being a Mom was all about. 

I now understand the sleepless nights, 

pacing the floors, and worrying over, 

what seemed to me at the time, nothing. 

I understand the relief hearing the car pull in the driveway brings. 

I understand loving another person 

more than you love yourself, and being 

willing to take on the devil himself for them. 

I understand how your heart can 

literally beat inside another's chest.

I understand unconditional love, and love beyond measure.

I understand love so deep you 

would be willing to lay down your own life. 

I understand praying to take pain and 

sickness away, and being willing to take it yourself. 

I love you, Mom. 

There aren't enough words in the 

English language to describe what you mean to me. 

I know now there were hard days 

and hard times, yet, you never let me know it. 

You taught me so many things 

about life and about being a woman. 

Not only did you teach me there were real life Princesses, you taught me it was ok to be one myself. 

You taught me I could do anything I put my mind to. 

You taught me I could be anything I wanted to be and what I always wanted to be was you. 

You taught me to love passionately and forgive freely, though, I'm still working on the forgiving freely part. 

You taught me the importance of Family. 

You taught me to hug, and not be afraid of human touch. 

You taught me to say, "I love you" 

and just how important those words really are.

You taught me the value of hard work, and a good name. 

You taught me to be a Leader and not a follower. 

You taught me plain talk is easily understood. 

You taught me to speak my mind and that my opinion is valuable. 

You taught me responsibility and accountability.

You taught me how important it is to keep your word. 

You taught me to laugh and enjoy life. 

You taught me it was ok to cry. 

You taught me to adapt to change. 

You taught me to take chances. 

You taught me it was ok to fail. 

You taught me it felt great to win.

You taught me how to lose with grace and dignity. 

You taught me beauty is on the inside. 

You taught me to be nice to others. 

You taught me to give of myself.

You taught me to stand up for what 

I believe in, even if it means standing alone. 

Above all, you taught me about Jesus and His Love. 

You taught me He has a plan for my life.

You taught me His timing is perfect. 

You taught me to pray and read my Bible. 

You taught me to carry my kids to church, never send them. 

You taught me to take notes in Church. 

You taught me to sing. 

You taught me to never be ashamed of 

Christ and the work He has done in my life. 

You have taught me all this and more. 

I'm proud to call you Mom. 

I hope I can be half the Mom to my girls, you have been to me. 

I love you MUCH, Always & Forever!

=],

The Plan For Now.....

This is the first time I have attempted to post from my iPod. 

I suppose we will know how well it goes in a few minutes. 

My Daddy is out of the hospital after a 5 day stay for maintenance chemo. 

He did really well. 

He will now go to the clinic twice a week for lab work and will be transfused, as needed. 

It is expected about 7-10 days, after chemo, his counts will start to drop.

It is during this time, as well, he will have to be very careful about being around anybody that's sick as his immunity will be very, very low.

They did consult the bone marrow transplant team and we were able to meet with them this week while we were there. 

From every indication, he is a candidate for a transplant and a possible match has been found. 

The question, at this point, is basically, do the benefits of having a transplant outweigh the risks of having a transplant. 

The problem is no one can really answer that. 

His best chance of survival is with a transplant. 

We know that. 

But, there are a lot of risks involved and it is not, by any means, a quick fix. 

And, by a lot of risks, I mean a lot of risks. 

We've talked about what the right answer is and he's asked me what the right answer is, but, to be honest, I just don't know. 

I wish I had all the answers, but I don't. 

I don't know what I would do if I was in his situation.  

I selfishly want to tell him yes, I most definitely would do it, but I can't.

My heart aches for my Daddy.

He is such a fighter, and wants to live so bad. 

We are praying for wisdom and guidance to make the right decision.

We want the answer to be so unmistakably clear, there is no denying it is from God. 

Thankfully, we have a little time before that decision has to be made. 

The plan is for him to be readmitted to UAB, April 15th, for a 2nd round of maintenance chemo, Clofarabine.   

That is all I know for now, and yes, even those plans are subject to change. 

My heart is overwhelmed. 

I question why. 

Yet, I know, The Creator of the Universe, who placed each and every star in the sky, is madly in love with me. 

We trust in Him and the plan He has for us. 

He has good plans for our lives, even though our plan, at times, may not be His plan. 

His plans are far better for us.....

Every. 

Single. 

Time. 

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." ~Jeremiah 29:11

____________________________________________

2.From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I. 3. For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy. ~Psalms 30:2-3

Love you MUCH!

=],

 

Waiting on the But.....

My Daddy has been out of the hospital 2 weeks now.

His counts are up and he is regaining strength everyday.

They repeated his bone marrow

biopsy last Wednesday as an outpatient.

We got the wonderful news from

Dr. Erba Monday that he is in remission.

He will be readmitted to UAB next week for consolidation

chemo, which is basically maintenance chemo, or preventive chemo.

He has a really aggressive type of cancer and if

they don't do any additional chemo, it will come back.

After this round of chemo, they may

entertain thoughts of a bone marrow transplant.

They are already testing his siblings to see if they are a match.

A transplant is not an quick fix and is a very harsh process.

He is such a fighter, though and wants to live so bad.

I know that may sound cliche-ish, but he really is.

The Daughter in me is so relieved and so thankful for this news.

The Nurse in me is waiting on the "but."

You know how it goes, "Your leukemia is in remission, BUT....."

So far, there hasn't been a but.

But.....

I keep expecting it.

Keep waiting for it.

Keep anticipating it.

Now don't go all judgemental on me and

start thinking I am not thankful for answered prayer.

I am EXTREMELY thankful for his remission.

I am EXTREMELY thankful his counts are up.

I am EXTREMELY thankful he is gaining strength.

I am thankful for it all.

BUT.....

I am guarded.

And just maybe, guarding my heart, mostly.

I have said all along I will be

thankful for what we are given.

That is hard sometimes.

God already knows I am waiting for the "but."

Guess what?

He loves me anyway.

I will tell you that today, this

day, I am thankful for the remission.

I have no idea what may happen tomorrow or when the "but"

may come, but God does and He, as always, is in complete control.

His mercies are new every morning.

Every. Morning.

This isn't the first time I've reminded myself of this.

Click HERE to see that post.

What does the word mercies really mean?

I am soooooo glad you asked.

=)

MERCY: mer·cy/ [mur-see] noun, plural mer·cies for 4, 5.

1. compassionate or kindly forbearance shown toward an offender, an enemy, or other person in one's power; compassion, pity, or benevolence: Have mercy on the poor sinner.

2. the disposition to be compassionate or forbearing: an adversary wholly without mercy.

3. the discretionary power of a judge to pardon someone or to mitigate punishment, especially to send to prison rather than invoke the death penalty.

4. an act of kindness, compassion, or favor: She has performed countless small mercies for her friends and neighbors.

5. something that gives evidence of divine favor; blessing: It was just a mercy we had our seat belts on when it happened.

Compassion. Kindness.

Divine Favor.

Blessing.

Just think, they are new EVERY morning!

Wow, I will take that any day.

Thank you for your prayers, Blog Friends.

Love you MUCH!

=],

They Weren't Kidding.....

They told my Daddy on Wednesday, the next 5-7 days would be his worst.

They weren't kidding.

He feels terrible.

Just terrible.

All over.

He has ran a high fever for several days now.

They have done blood cultures, a urinalysis, and chest x-ray, all of which have been normal.

It is so hard to believe we have been in the hospital 4 weeks tomorrow.

The bone marrow biopsy that was done this week shows leukemia cells are still present but are dying off.

Plan is to repeat bone marrow biopsy again next week.

Today, they did a CT of the chest to see if there is something they have missed.

We don't have those results back yet.

It really is days like this, when I feel useless, just useless.

I'm a do-er, and a fixer.

Yet, I can't fix this and there is nothing I can do to make it better.

I do have faith and I know God is able to do immeasurably more than all I can ask or even imagine, yet, I struggle.

There's something very difficult about being a Nurse and having the knowledge God gave me about the disease process, yet, praying and expecting an outcome different from what I know should happen.

Does that make sense?

Don't get me wrong, I believe in miracles.

I know God can do anything.

I'm just being honest with you here.

I know there is a plan in all of this.

I saw a sign today in the CT holding area that said....."For every obstacle and situation, God has a purpose."

There is NO doubt about that.

We have seen Him work and felt His love through every step of this journey.

That cannot be mistaken.

Thank you for your prayers.

Love you MUCH!

=],

Gracie

Chemo Started.....

I stayed with Daddy last

night and he had a restless night.

 

I'm not sure if he was nervous about

starting chemo, or just not feeling well.

 

Truth be told, it was

probably a combination of both.

 

He was pretty weak when he got up this morning.

 

It's then, you start the process

of elimination to find the cause.

 

Blood Sugar.....Perfect

 

Blood Pressure.....Perfect

 

Pulse.....Perfect

 

Temperature.....Perfect

 

O2 Sat.....Perfect

 

Then, we got his labs back and found the problem.

 

His Hemoglobin was 6.9.

 

If it is less than 7 they transfuse.

 

So, he got blood this afternoon.

 

Hopefully, he will be feeling better.

 

He did get his first dose of

chemo this morning and tolerated it well.

 

I may have told you this, but he

will get chemo once a day for 5 days.

 

I honestly can't keep it straight

who I've told what, so bear with me.

 

My stories are running together like his stories.

 

Ha!

 

That made me laugh.

 

Those of you that know him, KNOW his stories.

 

=)

 

I wanted to share the devotion for today

from a book given to me Tuesday by my Sister-in Law, Gloria.

 

It's out of a book called, "Jesus Calling."

 

Each day is written as if Jesus is speaking directly to you.

 

January 31

I AM YOUR STRENGTH AND SHIELD. 

I plan out each day and have it ready for you, long before you arise from bed.

I also provide the strength you need each step of the way. Instead of assessing

your energy level and wondering about what's on the road ahead, concentrate

on staying in touch with Me. My power flows freely into you through our open

communication. Refuse to waste energy worrying, and you will have strength to spare.

Whenever you start to feel afraid, remember that I am your Shield. But unlike inanimate armor, I am always alert and active. My Presence watches over you continually, protecting you from both known and unknown dangers. Entrust yourself to My watchcare, which is the best security system available. I am with you and watch over you wherever you go.

 

The Lord is my strength and my shield;
my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.
My heart leaps for joy,
and with my song I praise him.

Psalms 28:7 (NIV)

 

Give your entire attention to what God is doing

 right now, and don’t get worked up about what may

or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal

with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

Matthew 6:34 (The Message)

 

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.
⁴ In God, whose word I praise—
in God I trust and am not afraid.
What can mere mortals do to me?

Psalms 56:3-4 (NIV)

 

I am with you and will watch over you

wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land.

 I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.

Genesis 28:15 (NIV)

 

 

I didn't read it until I got home from the hospital this afternoon.

 

Literally, my mouth fell open and I just shook my head.

 

Thank you all for sharing in this journey.

 

I can't tell you how much we appreciate each of you.

 

Love you MUCH!

 

 

=],

Study Approved.....

Dr. Erba came in this afternoon and told us the

repeat bone marrow biopsy confirmed the diagnosis of AML.

 

I wasn't surprised or expecting anything different.

 

He also told us Daddy was

selected to participate in the drug study.

.

The computer randomization was done

and he will receive the study drug, clofarabime.

 

It is said to have less side effects than the traditional AML treatment, 7+3.

 

I had already decided, in my mind, it would

be the standard treatment,  7+3, so I thought I

would try to find a Bible verse related to 7:3 that spoke to my heart.

 

I searched all combinations of 7:3, 1:3-7, 3:7 and found nothing.

 

Absolutely.

 

Nothing.

 

Now, I know why.

 

God already had plans for

him to receive clofarabine not 7+3.

 

So, after what seems like waiting

a lifetime, chemo starts in the morning.

 

We are beyond thankful at this news.

 

Without a doubt, God's timing is perfect.

 

Please pray for us as we start a new part of this journey.

 

We are all still trying to figure out this new "normal."

 

I will update tomorrow.

 

Love you MUCH!

 

=],