Saturday, February 16, 2013

They Weren't Kidding.....

They told my Daddy on Wednesday, the next 5-7 days would be his worst.

They weren't kidding.

He feels terrible.

Just terrible.

All over.

He has ran a high fever for several days now.

They have done blood cultures, a urinalysis, and chest x-ray, all of which have been normal.

It is so hard to believe we have been in the hospital 4 weeks tomorrow.

The bone marrow biopsy that was done this week shows leukemia cells are still present but are dying off.

Plan is to repeat bone marrow biopsy again next week.

Today, they did a CT of the chest to see if there is something they have missed.

We don't have those results back yet.

It really is days like this, when I feel useless, just useless.

I'm a do-er, and a fixer.

Yet, I can't fix this and there is nothing I can do to make it better.

I do have faith and I know God is able to do immeasurably more than all I can ask or even imagine, yet, I struggle.

There's something very difficult about being a Nurse and having the knowledge God gave me about the disease process, yet, praying and expecting an outcome different from what I know should happen.

Does that make sense?

Don't get me wrong, I believe in miracles.

I know God can do anything.

I'm just being honest with you here.

I know there is a plan in all of this.

I saw a sign today in the CT holding area that said....."For every obstacle and situation, God has a purpose."

There is NO doubt about that.

We have seen Him work and felt His love through every step of this journey.

That cannot be mistaken.

Thank you for your prayers.

Love you MUCH!



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