Sunday, May 31, 2009

Mary's Heart.....

I can't even begin to tell you how terrible this week was. Normally, I know I am an upbeat, positive blogger, but this blog is my therapy after all and I just have to tell you, the week was terrible. It seemed like there was one thing after another.

Last night, I started the book, "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World" by Joanna Weaver. It is based on the scripture from Luke 10:38-42. In these verses, Jesus stops by Martha's house for a visit. While Martha is running around the house trying to get everything done for His visit, her sister Mary, is seated at the feet of Jesus listening intently to His teaching. Martha can't keep her mouth shut and complains to Jesus, basically tattling on Mary for not helping her and basically wants Jesus to make Mary help her.

I am only on the 3rd chapter but already God has spoken to me. I am so much like Martha. I run around here and there and have my mind going in gazillion different directions. It's ironic how the world wants us to do more and more and more and "Be all you can be", yet He tells us to "Be still and know that I am God".

She points out three things that satan uses to turn our focus off Christ. They are:

Nothing fancy, just simple ways for us to lose focus on our Creator, and Lord of our lives.

I have given much though to this in the last 24 hours.

Distraction-A prime example is the kind of work week I've had this week. There were a gazillion things that happened. Anything that could go wrong, did, but not just once, it went wrong over and over and over again. When we focus on the problem instead of the problem-solver, satan has successfully distracted us from our Heavenly Father.

Discouragement-Who feels like jumping up singing, "If You're Happy and You Know It" when everything is going wrong? I sure don't. That is the farthest thing from my mind. When something is wrong and you deal with it over and over, it tends to grow bigger and bigger and that is ALL we focus on. We listen to satan tell us nobody has it worse, nobody cares, this will never end, etc, etc.

Doubt-Have you ever gone through a trial and wonder where God is? I have. I've told you that before. When He doesn't work in the time frame we want or the way we want, we doubt WHO He is and WHAT He is. We think He doesn't even care.

She explains the strategy satan uses is relatively simple yet very smart, get people's eyes off Him by focusing on their circumstances. We relate our happiness to the happenings around us, instead of The One who made us and our relationship with Him.

That is what happened to me this week. Satan used all the things going on around me to get my eyes off God. He wanted me to base my happiness on what was going on around me instead of how God had worked inside me, in which case I wouldn't have been too happy.

I am thankful God is who He is no matter where I am or what I am feeling.

Nan from 5 Moms and a Blog shared some verses with me yesterday. They are from Job 23:8-10

But if I go to the east, he is not there; if I go to the west, I do not find him. When he is at work in the north, I do not see him; when he turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of him. But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.

See, even when I can't see Him in any direction I look, He knows where I am. That's all that matters.

When I want to KNOW and UNDERSTAND, He simply wants me to TRUST.

Mary was found sitting at His feet listening.

I need to spend more time at His feet listening.


Tuesday, May 26, 2009

They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.....

These are days in which so many are facing hard times. It seems everywhere you turn you hear of another couple that is desperately trying to conceive a child without success, or parents that have had to bury a child. Young and old, sickness is everywhere. It knows no boundaries. There are countless marriages barely hanging on by a thread, jobs that have been lost, and homes that are facing foreclosure. When you think about it, things are pretty dismal.

Let me share with you a few of my favorite verses from the 3rd chapter of Lamentations.

19. Remembering my affliction and my misery, the wormwood and the gall. 20. My soul hath them still in remembrance, and is humbled in me. 21. This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope. 22. It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. 23. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. 24. The Lord is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him. 25. The Lord is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him.

This reminds me there have been so many trials I have faced where I have witnessed the Hand of God work firsthand.

It does humble me to think of how God has worked in my life and in the lives of my family. Because I know that Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever more, I know he is faithful to bring me through any trouble I may face today or tomorrow.

Believe me, there are times when I don't think I can take anymore. There are times I wonder where God is and I wonder why it feels like I am alone. Sometimes my mind starts racing and I feel like everything is unraveling at the seams.

See, I don't wanna make you think that while the world is falling apart around me, I'm sitting here saying, "Oh, I'll never give that a 2nd thought, I know Jesus is in control.", "What seizures? My genie in a bottle, Jesus, has fixed it all for me.", or "My life is perfect. No problems for Gracie, I know Jesus".

That's not it.

I get angry.

I question God.

I cry out to Him.

I am scared, and I worry what is gonna happen next.

My heart does break for my friends who are trying to have a baby and can't.

It isn't fair my friends buried their 8 year old daughter.

I hate that my daughter has seizures and that her life has been turned upside down by this diagnosis.

I wish I'd never heard the word cancer.

I feel helpless as I watch my friends marriage crumble right before my eyes.

You get the picture. The list goes on and on.

I don't know what will happen next. It could be my job or yours.

The uncertainties are everywhere.

What I am certain of are God's mercies. They are new every morning. They fail not.

Every morning, He foresees what I will face and He supplies me with the perfect portion of mercies to make it through the day. That Day.

He never shorts me or tries to cheat me on mercies. I don't get to 5 o'clock in the afternoon and run out after a really hectic day because He didn't send enough.

I know this post has been all over the place, but God brought those verses to me to remind me that He doesn't fail. He doesn't fall short. He is faithful. His love for us is never ending and His mercies are new every morning.

In these uncertain, trouble filled times, bask in the mercies of each morning. He has those just for you.


Monday, May 25, 2009

Happy Memorial Day.....

Happy Memorial Day!

Too many people only think of Memorial Day as a 3 day weekend, a day out of school or a day for eating too much BBQ. I really am thankful for those past and present that give of themselves for our Country and our freedom. May we always remember, freedom isn't free.

Today has been another wonderful day for us. I did work half a day but thankfully, it was uneventful Where Love and Care Make a Difference.

We headed to the river lot at lunch time to cookout with the family. I love family. I love family gatherings. I love everybody together. I love sitting outside (in the shade of course), gathered around talking. I love watching all the kids play together, listening to the laughter that ensues. I love it all.

Youngest daughter, Kylee, 12 and my nephew Hayden, 3

Kylee and Hayden on the paddle boat

Hayden chillaxin' in the hammock
Not a care in the world....
Life is Good =)

Oldest daughter, Haley, 17, Hayden and Haley's friend, Will

How cute is this Superstar?

I LOVE family!


Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Happy Birthday Friend.....

Today is my dear friend, Lois' birthday.

There are not enough words to describe how much she means to me. We have been through so much together. She loves Gracie no matter how I am acting, no matter what I've done, or no matter what I've said. Believe me people, that is a feat!

Real friends are very few and very far between. She is real. She is the sister of my heart and my sister in Christ. She is my encourager, and my prayer warrior. She is my fellow biker babe.

Happy Birthday Lois! I am honored to call you Friend. I love you more than you will ever know.

p.s. We will always be friends because you know WAAAAY too much about me.


Sunday, May 17, 2009

Chaos + Fiery Darts = Faithfulness.....

Have you ever felt like things were coming at you from every side? So much that you couldn't keep up with it all? Like you were smothering from being so overwhelmed?

Have you ever found yourself distressed from the unknown, or panicking from the uncertainty of it all? Angry when your friends, people you love are mistreated?

That is where I find myself. I am so overwhelmed from all the chaos and turmoil around me, things that are totally beyond my control.

My heart is heavy. Fiery darts are being thrown at me. I am ashamed to say it, but My Father is disappointed, while satan must be pleased, with the way I have reacted to it so far. I have repaid bitterness with bitterness. I have not prayed for those that have despitefully used me, as commanded in Matthew 5:44. Truth is, I haven't even wanted to.

I am hurt.

I am angry.

I want to open my mouth and let my angry, hurt voice be heard.

I need God to work in my life and in this situation.

I know you hear me God, I NEED YOU !

I need Him to guard my mouth, give me wisdom when to speak and the right words to say when the time to speak comes. Please help me discern what is real and what is fake where other people are concerned.

He knows exactly what is happening. I know without a doubt God is in control of this situation, just like He is every situation. I also know, as I've said before, that He is not surprised by this trial. He is not pacing the floor, wringing His hands wondering what He's going to do and how He's gonna fix it.

I love you, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call to the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and I am saved from my enemies. The cords of death entangle me; the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me. The cords of the grave coiled around me; the snares of death confronted me. In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears. Psalms 18:1-6

I refuse for satan to have the victory in this. I refuse to allow him to steal my joy.


Help me, God! I am crying out to You with everything that is in me. Please take this bitterness and anger away. Help me to pray for those that despitefully use me and my friends even when I don't want to pray for them. You know the evil and wickedness that abounds around us. They think they work in secret, but You are not fooled by their craftiness. You know all, and see all.

Help me cling only to You. I will not be dismayed, even when it feels like there is no breath left in me, I cling to you and your promises. You will NEVER leave me or forsake me. You will NEVER put more on me than I can bear. Help me to remember that, Father. Help me remember that.

God is faithful.

He has a plan and a purpose for me and for you.



Wednesday, May 13, 2009

So Little Time.....

Hey all my BF's. I have missed all of you. It has been a crazy, crazy last few days.

Last Tuesday, the eldest daughter, Haley, was hit in the face with a softball while running to 1st base. As soon as it hit her, she fell to the ground, knocked out. SCARED ME TO DEATH!

The Athletic Trainer and an EMT that were there literally RAN across the field to get to her. I, of course, busted up on the softball field to check her out myself. She was really groggy when she came to, but knew where she was, who she was, etc.

The first thing she asked was, "Was I safe?" That's my softball player =) The coach said, "If the ball hit you in the face it means she didn't catch it so yes, you are safe" She said, "But I mean, would I have beaten the throw?" The answer was yes, she would have.

We ended up spending the night in the ER. She was complaining of an increasing headache, dizziness, nausea, decreased, muffled hearing and her ears "popping".

It was THE WORST ER experience of my life. They did a CT of the head which was negative. The ER Doctor was literally in with us no more than 45 seconds and even though she was complaining of not being able to hear I had to ask him to check her ear. That is pathetic!

I asked him to do facial x-rays, but he wouldn't. Trust me, I was very vocal in my dissatisfaction of our care. I'm sure they were soooo glad to get us out of there.

No, I didn't act like a No-It-All, I don't like it when nurses or other medical professionals do this. Most of the time, I don't even volunteer the information that I am a Nurse.

All I wanted was her checked out thoroughly and she was not. It was certainly a rip off for our insurance company. I called them and told them they were robbed.

The next morning I took her to the Pediatrician so somebody that I trusted could take a look at her, esp her ear. Before I had a chance to say a word, he said, "Did they do a CT scan?" I said, "Yes, it was negative". He said, "What about facial x-rays?" What was that? Facial X-rays? Oh yeah, that is what I had asked for that the ER Doctor wouldn't do. I told him they wouldn't do them, sooo he sent us back to the hospital for x-rays.

All of her tests were thankfully normal. She was soooo sore. The hit to the ear had caused the fluid in her ear to shift, which caused the popping. The severe swelling caused the decreased, muffled hearing. As the swelling went down, her hearing returned to normal.

Whew! That was just Tuesday and Wednesday!

We had high school softball playoffs all weekend. The season has now ended. It's sad to think that when my girl plays softball again, she will be a high school senior. Where has the time gone?

Mother's Day was wonderful! I am so thankful God picked me to be Haley and Kylee's Mom. I know there is no title or job more important. I am humbled when I think how God has blessed me. I am so undeserving.

I hope you all have a great rest of the week. I look forward to catching up on all of your happenings. More later!



Monday, May 4, 2009

Not Me Monday.....

Happy Not Me Monday! You all know the drill. This is where we confess what we absolutely, positively DID NOT, WOULD NOT do. Head on over to MckMama's blog to check out all the other Not Me Mondays.

I DID NOT serve as Hostess and decorate a table for the Ladies Tea at our church Saturday night, I mean, really, I so do not have the time nor the talent for such.

I DID NOT nearly have a nervous breakdown trying to get my table decorated.

I WAS NOT in tears Friday morning when I discovered my tablecloth was lemon yellow and my dishes were harvest yellow, I am so much more of a grown-up than that, how silly would that be?

I WAS NOT thankful my Sister-in-Law hooked me up with a purple tablecloth.

I DID NOT fear that my guests wouldn't show up and I would be the only Hostess without anybody at her table.

I DID NOT sorta, kinda threaten my friends with bodily harm about not standing me up because if I had I'm sure Jesus wouldn't have been happy about that.

I WAS NOT highly offended when a lady at our church walked up to me and said, "So, it's a girl you are having?" I mean, I'm not self-conscious at all about myself anyway, so that would never bother me.

I DID NOT reply, "Well, actually, it would be neither since I'm not pregnant" in a semi-sharp tone because that would be rude and sooo unlike how I should respond.

She DID NOT say, "Good thing you ain't offended easy and you let things roll off your back."

I DID NOT think to myself..Do I? Cause I seem pretty offended right now.

I DID NOT spend the rest of the night thinking how pregnant do I look? Who else thinks I look pregnant? That would be so ridiculous of me.

I DID NOT think it's time to really get started on losing that last 25 pounds now. I would never do that considering I have lost 80 so far. I mean, I would never act crazy where losing weight is concerned.

I DID NOT think, for the first time in a looooooong time, that I may need to start exercising. How could I, the word exercise is not even in my vocabulary.

Pregnancy aside =), I DID NOT immensely enjoy the Ladies Tea.

I WAS NOT pleased with my table.

I WAS NOT reminded during dinner that I am my Mother's daughter. If I had been, it would have struck me that I really am just like her. =)

Have a great week friends!