Sunday, October 10, 2010

My Heart is Broken.....


He's. Gone.

My. baby. boy. is. gone.

My heart is broken.

I am hurt.




I knew there was a chance this day would come.

I knew it was possible.

Yet, I loved a blond haired, 4 year old with all of my heart.

Now, he has been taken from me.

If you don't remember what is happening or if you're new to my blog, here's what's going on

It would be different if she was any kind of parent at all.

She has no education.

No job.

No home.

It makes me physically ill.

Makes me want to vomit.

Do I blame God?


God has a plan and a purpose in ALL of this.

God knows every tear I've cried and has held them in the palm of His hand.

He knows I am mad.

He knows I am sad.

He knows I don't want to pray for her right now.

He knows I want Him to wave a magic wand and fix it all.

He knows I'd rather not cry myself to sleep every night.

He knows I just want to hold him.

He knows I want to smell him.

He knows I lay in his bed so I can be near him.

He knows I wonder where he is.

He knows I worry about what he's eating.

He knows I don't think I can take this anymore.

He knows I want my baby back.

He knows my heart has no idea I didn't give birth to him.

He knows it ALL.

My bitterness.

My anger.

He still loves me.

I don't know how this will end.

I am trusting God.

That is all I can do.

Love you MUCH!



  1. God does know, and he cares. I wonder sometimes why God allows some of the things that he does, but he does have a plan. It hurts not knowing and not understanding. I'm sure sorry for you, the boy and your whole family. We'll pray good to come from this, and comfort for your family. wb

  2. I am praying for you right now. Praying for you, for that precious little blonde angel that I know you love. God also knows you love him and need him in your life. I am going to pray for her, too that she will realize how much he needs you in his life. Lots of friends are praying daily so God will answer. He doesn't always answer as fast as we want Him to, but HE WILL answer. Keep strong !!!! Love you, Jane

  3. TJ, that just brought tears to my eyes. We miss that precious little boy too. I am praying for you right now and will continue to pray with hope that we will see him come back home soon. We love y'all! Langston's dad ;-)

  4. I can't imagine the pain you're feeling. But, I am praying for you right this minute...that God will fill that void in your heart and in your aching gut; that God will give you peace that HE is taking care of that precious baby; that God will protect him and that HE will bring that angel back home to you really soon. I AM expecting a miracle...for you.