You have left precious comments on my blog, my Facebook wall, and sent text messages to my phone.
You have supported me in unfathomable ways.
You've let me cry.
You held me as I've cried.
You've even cried with me.
You've listened as I've screamed and didn't pass judgment when I stomped my feet in classic temper tantrum fashion.
You have called me out when I'd lie and say, "I'm ok" or when I would attempt to retreat in my shell.
You told me it was ok to be angry.
You have prayed countless prayers to the Father on our behalf.
You have prayed for me when I couldn't pray for myself.
You hold a special place in my heart and will never know how much I appreciate each of you.
However, there are some of you who haven't been as kind.
This post is for you.
You that have asked, "What is the big deal?"
The big deal is we are talking about a CHILD, NOT A PIECE OF FURNITURE. A child we have raised. A blond haired boy that calls me Mom.
You have said, "He's NOT yours, you should want him be with his mother".
Giving birth to a child doesn't automatically make you a Mom. A REAL Mother puts her wants and needs aside for what is best for her child. A REAL Mother will do whatever she has to do to protect her child, provide for her child and will love and nurture her child. My heart has no idea I didn't give birth to him.
You have said, "You should be happy she wants him."
Happy? Happy she is taking him from the only stable environment he has ever known? Happy she is taking him away from his family? Happy she is unable to provide for him? Happy? Really?
You have said, "You will still get to see him some."
Some? That is not a consolation prize. I don't want some. I want my baby boy back where he belongs, AT HOME. I want to tuck him in at night, I want to hear his laugh. I want him running out to my car when I get home from work.
You have said, "It will be ok."
You know this how? It's certainly not ok now. Tell this to a Mother whose child has been diagnosed with cancer, a Mother who has lost her child to SIDS. It is not always ok.
You have said, "It will all work out."
Again, how do you know this? You can't guarantee it will. What if it doesn't? What if he never comes home? Truth is, it may NOT all work out. What then?
You have said, "Why aren't you doing something to get him back?"
This makes me IRATE! I can not begin to tell you how infuriated I become at this. Do you think I wouldn't do ANYTHING I could to get my sweet boy back? I mean, really? Do you think I love the feeling I have that my heart is being ripped out of my chest and someone has kicked me in the gut and I want to vomit?
You have said, "Why don't you prove her an unfit mother?"
Because we have raised her child and provided monetary support for Doctor visits, prescriptions, clothing, etc., we have enabled her to remain a "fit" parent. No, it doesn't make a bit of sense to me, and there is nothing "fit" about someone who says, "I know he would be better off with y'all but he (my child support) is my only means of income" REALLY?, GET A JOB! That is mother of the year material right there.
You have said, "Where is your Faith?"
It is in God, the only place it can be; however, He knows I am scared, and angry. I know He has a plan and a purpose in all of this but I can't see it RIGHT THIS MINUTE. I do trust Him, but I want Him to work hurriedly. I want Him to wave a magic wand and fix it!
You have said, "Why would God do this?"
God didn't DO this to us. God allowed it to happen. Why? I don't know the answer to that, and I may not ever know the answer to that question but I know that He wants us to trust Him and believe Him and His word. I know that His ways are far wiser and better than MY ways as hard as it may be. There is good that will come out of this.
Ok, I feel better.
I miss that sweet baby boy more and more every day. I don't know what is going to happen. I don't have that answer. I DO know I will continue to trust God and thank Him for His promises. I will delight in the fact that He will never leave me or forsake me and that His mercies are new every morning.
Love you, MUCH!