I've tried to soak in every minute.
Savor every moment with him.
I can't lie.
As I walked through the preschool building to get him from Sunday School this morning, I got a lump in my throat and felt like I had been kicked in the gut and couldn't breath.
I had tears streaming down my cheeks.
I try so very hard to hold myself together.
I really, really do.
I mean, I can't tell you how hard I try.
I've always been the strong one, the one everybody else leans on, but it's just so overwhelming.
Basically all through the service this morning, he wanted to sit in my lap.
I hold him and as I nuzzle against his neck and he wraps his arms around mine I can't lie, I'm hurting, I question God, "Why, Why does it have to be this way?"
Our Sunday School lesson this morning couldn't have come at a better time.
Once again, God knows what we need, when we need it.
We studied in Mark about Jairus, whose daughter was dying.
The story goes like this.....
Jairus fell at Jesus' feet and begged him to touch his daughter and heal her.
There were some that said, "Your daughter is dead. There is no need to bother the Teacher anymore."
Jesus didn't pay any attention to them.
His focus was on Jairus.
His words to Jairus, "Don't be afraid; just believe."
Did you get that?
Jesus said, "Don't be afraid; just believe."
Then Jesus goes to Jairus' house where He finds a large number of people crying and making a lot of noise.
Jesus asks them why they are making so much noise because Jairus' daughter is not dead, only sleeping.
They laugh at Jesus.
He throws them out.
Then He takes the child's Mother and Father, along with Peter, James, and John to see the girl.
He takes her hand and says to her, "Young girl, I tell you to stand up!"
At once, she stood up and began walking.
I love this story.
See, Jairus was begging Jesus for his daughter's life.
There was no bargaining, or negotiations.
Simply begging, and pleading.
A desperate, heartbroken Father begging for his daughter's life.
Sounds sorta, kinda familiar.
I've been begging and pleading.
God, Jairus, and I share something in common.
God knows what it's like to lose a child.
Let me say that again, God know what it's like to lose a child.
Have you ever really thought about that?.
He knew how Jairus felt because He had been there.
He knows how I feel because He's been there.
He gave His Son.
How his heart must have broken.
Jairus' heart was broken.
My heart is broken.
He told him to SEE the UNSEEN.
The same with me.
He tells me not to be afraid and believe.
I have a choice.
I can either see the hurt or The Healer.
I'm trying so hard to stay focused on The Healer.
It's times like now, when I know our time with him is coming to an end that my eyes begin to well up with tears.
Don't be afraid, just believe.
Love you MUCH!