Thursday, April 7, 2011

It Is What It Is.....

I am alive....barely.

I have done better today with taking pain medicine, until this afternoon.

I guess, I get relief and then forget to stay ahead of the pain.

So, what ends up happening is by about 9:00pm, I am hurting
so bad that I can hardly stand it.

This is the second night in a row I have done this.

Yes, I am a Nurse.

Yes, I know better.

It's not like I mean to do it.

I don't lay here thinking, "Oh, I think I'll go
without pain medicine all evening, so that when
bedtime comes, I'll be in excruciating pain."

Again, I am not anti-pain medicine.

Actually, very far from it.

I always encourage my Patients to stay ahead of
their pain and not try to be brave and do without it.

See everyone thinks I am trying to be Superwoman and not take it.

That is not true.

Again, this may be TMI, but it is what it is.

I had a tear that was repaired vaginally.

In fact, it was a rather painful surgery.

Narcotic pain relievers have side effects.

One of the major side effects is constipation.

Now, think about it for a second.

Vaginal surgery + Constipation is not a pleasant combination.

I have tried to avoid the narcotics for this reason, not because
I think I am, nor am I trying to be Superwoman.

I have decided if I have to take colace, which is a stool softener,
by the handfuls, that is what I will do.

I can't continue to hurt like I have been tonight.

It really is a catch 22.

I have medicine that will alleviate the pain, yet I am
afraid of the side effects and am reluctant to take it.

That, in and of itself, is so frustrating and crazy.

So, what ends up happening, is I am hurting terribly and
I give in and take it,like tonight, but have to wait for it
to work.

I am drawn up in a nervous jerk because it hurts so bad.

I can't relax.

Tears stream down my face.

I just want it to stop.

I take everything I can and try and be patient to allow
it to work but it seems as though time stands still.

Finally, I feel a slight twinge of relief.

I am a strong woman, not a wimp at all,
but this has kicked my butt, literally.

I made improvements with pain control today and I
will continue to do so tomorrow.

I am trying to remember I am only 2 days
post-op, for goodness sakes.

I do appreciate all the well wishes, calls, txts, cards,
visits, food and prayers that have been sent to The Father on
my behalf.

I am immeasurably blessed to have such amazing Family and Friends.

I am expecting nothing but total success from this repair
and hope to be back to my normal self before long.

I know this post is scattered all over the
place and for that I do apologize.

I am under the influence of the good pain medicine now, which
is now working quite nicely.

I must apologize if you had to deal with me while I was hurting so bad.

I know I could not have been a pleasant person.

Please accept my sincerest apology.

I really mean that.

On a bright, positive note, the cutest 5 year-old boy came today.

I opened the door and was thrilled to see this smiling face.

It makes everything better.

He will be spending the weekend with us.

He looks like he has grown at least a foot.

He has played and played today and has been the sweetest boy.

Oh, I wish time with him would stand still and never end.

That's selfish, I know, but it is how I feel.

He is so cute and has been in the most loving mood since
he arrived earlier today.

I am thankful for this time with him.

Well, Blog Friends, my pain medicine has more than kicked in.

While it has, I am going to try and rest.

I hope I have not scarred any of you from my honest posting tonight.

Like I said earlier, it is what it is.

Love you MUCH!


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